I DID AN IMPULSE
I DID AN IMPULSE
I was scrolling through Pinterest at midnight and decided I needed to be a ‘cool-toned platinum blonde.’ My natural hair is jet black. Instead of going to a professional, I bought three boxes of the cheapest bleach I could find.…
I watched one Olympic weightlifting montage and immediately decided I was a professional athlete in the making. At 2 AM, I ordered a 200lb barbell set and a weight bench. When it arrived, I realized two things: I live on…
I saw a sign at a local diner that said ‘The Mega-Melt Challenge: 5 lbs of Grilled Cheese.’ The impulsive part of my brain didn’t think about my lactose intolerance; it only thought about the free t-shirt. I failed at…
Ambien-me is a much more generous person than sober-me. I woke up to a confirmation email for a 6-foot tall inflatable T-Rex costume and a industrial-sized box of 500 googly eyes. I don’t even like dinosaurs. But now, every Tuesday,…
It was 11 PM on a Tuesday. I looked in the mirror and decided my cat, Barnaby, looked ‘too fluffy.’ Armed with kitchen scissors and zero experience, I went to work. Ten minutes later, Barnaby looked like a moth-eaten rug,…
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